Just shoot me!! It seems like everyone brought back problems from their long weekend and they all are taking a long time to resolve.
To remind you, I am a Help Desk Tech and I thought yesterday was going OK, not too bad during the morning, then all of a sudden, late in the afternoon, I resolved one ticket and looked at my board and there were 7 new tickets. No way was I going to be able to get to them all today.
I remember years ago, when I was working in home remodeling as a Project Coordinator (the person who ordered the materials, assigned the crew to the job and scheduled it with the customer) that I was trying to learn how to rely on the Holy Spirit (Ruach HaKodesh) for strength and endurance (emotional), and after asking God to teach me how to do that, my job responsibilities doubled, literally, overnight.
At first I reacted as a human, seeing only the “flesh” in that situation, and thought, “Somebody shoot me! NOW!” It wasn’t until a few days after this happened that I (finally) realized that this was the answer to my prayer. I asked God to teach me to rely on His spirit, and for that to happen I need to be in a place where my own strength will not be enough. I will need to be “up the creek without a paddle” because to fall into the hands of the Holy One of Israel, you need to be falling with nothing else to hold onto.
That’s how we humans are-always wanting to save ourselves, never wanting to admit that we can’t. It is a kind of conundrum, since self-preservation is a natural reaction whereas to call on God is something we have to think to do. For us, myself included, calling on God should be the first thing we do, but it seems to come in second or third when the chips are down. We seem, I seem, to always default to trying to figure it out on my own.
So, I asked God for help and He threw me into the fire. Thank you, Lord, for answering my prayer, even though it was a bit of a shocker. As many of us have learned, God always answers prayers, but rarely exactly the way we expect Him to and most often not when we want Him to.
I want to reconcile with my children and have done everything I know how to do, without doing what I know won’t work anyway, and I am in a place where I have only God to help me. I ask that He send them angels to guide them to Him, or to give them a spirit of curiosity to know what Dad’s side in this travesty is, or just to get us sending each other an occasional email. I just want them back in my life, and I want to be part, any part (other than the past) of their lives. I trust God to answer this prayer, but I don’t trust my kids to do their part.
You see, I believe that God will send angels, and that God will give them a spirit of curiosity, but each and every one of us has the free will God gave us to choose what we will do, and even though whatever God wants done will get done, God will not force someone to accept Him. And God will not force anyone to love anyone else.
God will lead us to water but He won’t make us drink- we have to choose to drink. And when we ask God for something in our lives, assuming that we ask for something that is righteous and in His will for us, He will be trustworthy and faithful to answer that prayer. So you better be ready, and looking for that answer.
I am careful, now, what I ask of God because I know the power of prayer and that God will do what is best for me, in the long run. That means it may not seem like the best for me when it happens. I ask for Him to show me, without doubt, like with Gideon and the fleece, what He wants of me. But it scares the heck out of me that when I hear that answer I won’t be strong enough to obey. So I also pray that when He does answer me, He will also make it so that I have the strength and faithfulness to do what He asks.
I know myself- if God wants me to do something that I will have to do without my wife, I don’t think I can. If He requires me to do something that means we have to move away from this house, I don’t think I can. I am not strong enough, faithful enough, and it scares me to death that I will finally hear, absolutely, what God wants of me and I will “pull a Jonah.”
That’s why I am careful what I ask for. I confess, and I hope you don’t think less of me, but I am still struggling to find the strength that Moshe found, that David lived, that Hosea showed and that the Talmudim of Yeshua had, which enabled them to suffer with dignity.
Yet, with all the fear and trembling I have when asking God to strengthen me, I still ask. That’s because, in the long run, it’s all about what He wants and it’s all about what He desires. It’s not about me, or Donna, or my family, or my job….He can replace all of that (as he did with Job.) No, Steve- it’s not about what you want: it’s all about what He wants.
And to make it worse, even though I would like Him to wait until I feel ready, I know He knows better than me when I am ready and He will not give me anything I cannot handle.
That’s the scary part: I know no matter how impossible it seems, I have no excuse because when God is with me, who can be against me?