Tag: selfish

Is Your Gift to the Lord or to Yourself?

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I was reading Exodus 35 this morning.  This is the second time Moses comes down from Mount Sinai and asks the people to bring the items needed for the construction of the Tabernacle. Exodus 35:21 says, “And they came, every one whose heart stirred him up, and every one whom his spirit made willing, and brought the Lord’s offering,...” (Pentateuch and Haftorah, Soncino Press, 1965.)

If you prefer to watch a video, click on this link: Watch the video.

When I read this it struck me that this isn’t saying everyone came, but only every one of them that was willing to give what they had. This means that there were, at least, some who did not contribute, even though they might have had some of the items needed.

Let’s consider that their gifts, which were articles of gold, silver, wood, yarn, etc., were what they had to offer, but today the gifts we can offer are our knowledge, discernment, spiritual understanding, and compassion. When I read the posts in all the different “Christian” or “Messianic” discussion groups I am a member of through Facebook, there are posts about the calendar, about the pronunciation of God’s name, about the Christian holidays (especially now with Christmas right around the corner), and other topics. These are the gifts they are offering, which should be given in order to please and bring glory to God.

Some argue with validation from the Bible, others are just making it up as they go along; some misuse the Bible by taking verses out of context to justify what they want to say, and others repeat what they have heard without any personal research or study- they agree just because they like what they hear.

In all of this, there is some truth, there are some lies, and I believe there are many tares planted by the Enemy meant to cause division and strife within the body of Believers.

Much too often people argue for their own glory.

There were the Israelites in the desert who did not bring their gifts for the Tabernacle, there are people today who post topics offering their gifts of understanding the Bible, which many times aren’t directly related to salvation (although they will swear they are), and there are gifts that people offer, specifically discernment and spiritual maturity, which help to strengthen the faith of others and lead us to a better understanding of what God wants from us.

Suddenly, it occurred to me that there is a common thread in all this: I have my gift (of understanding) from God I offer in this ministry and you have your gift (of understanding) from God you offer in a discussion group, and others have gifts that they never offer.  Your gift is your gift, my gift is my gift, and we don’t have to share the same gifts. Likewise, we don’t have to share the same understanding, and no one has the right to force anyone else to accept their offering.

If someone believes that they know how something is to be done, pronounced, when celebrated, or whatever and they share that knowledge, it is only reasonable to expect that they are certain they are correct. But when someone else disagrees, or they just don’t agree, that person should remember their gift of understanding should be offered for God’s glory. When they share that knowledge and someone else rejects it, they shouldn’t continue to try to convince the other person. Once they have been told, “I don’t accept that”, then they are done. When God told the Prophets to warn the people, he didn’t say berate them or ram it down their throats, he simply said to tell them what God told the Prophet. If the Prophet told the people, and they rejected what he said, then the Prophet had done his job and God said that was all he was supposed to do.

Tell people what you believe God has shown you, but don’t continue to “sell” it once someone disagrees or rejects what you say. For all you know, you might be wrong. We are, after all, human and none of us can be absolutely certain that our own iniquity and pridefulness doesn’t influence our understanding. If you can’t accept someone else rejecting what you know, then you have gone beyond what God wants from you. Once you tell someone what God has made clear to you, it is up to them to accept or reject.

If you cannot stop trying to convince someone that you are correct, then you are no longer working for the glory of God- you are only after your own glory, and the prideful desire to have someone tell you that you are right. In other words, if someone won’t agree with you and you are arguing your point over and over, you are no longer doing God’s work but you are helping Satan.

That’s a hard word to hear, but can you tell me that causing strife and dissension within Believers isn’t helpful to the Enemy of God’s people?

In the desert, those whose hearts were not stirred to bring an offering to God are like the people today who cannot stop trying to get someone to agree with them: what they have in common is that they are not doing something for the Lord, but only for themselves.

When you share your gift of knowledge or spiritual understanding with others, and they don’t agree, it is OK to ask them why. Maybe they have been misled or taught something different, or maybe they have a better understanding than you do! It is a good thing to ask them why they disagree. If they are willing to discuss the topic and you are both respectful and enjoying the debate, then go ahead and discuss it. However, if one of you becomes agitated and begins to judge the other, or either of you become nasty and are no longer really arguing the point but attacking each others’ knowledge or spirituality, then you have crossed the line.

And I hope you agree with me when I say that the one who stops the discussion is the one who has the spiritual and emotional maturity to realize they are no longer glorifying God.

Yeshua sent his Talmudim to preach the Good News about the Kingdom of God and told them to be as wise as serpents and gentle as doves. If you find yourself in a discussion that doesn’t demonstrate wisdom with gentility, then that isn’t what Yeshua wants and you aren’t glorifying God. The thing you should do then is to shake the dust from your sandals and leave.

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And, as always, your comments are welcomed.

Until next time, L’hitraot and Baruch HaShem!

God Crashed My Pity Party

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No video today, but please take a moment to Subscribe if you haven’t already done so, and check out the deals for my new book, “Parashot Drashim” on my Kickstarter campaign page. 

About a month ago, when I began the Kickstarter campaign to sell my newest (third) book I was feeling rather low. I have had this online ministry for about 6 years, and only have about 70 followers. I am a member of half a dozen discussion groups (Christian and Messianic) but still haven’t made book sales or even gained subscribers. My other two books are very dear to me and writing them was a cleansing for me, similar (I suspect) to how Jeremiah felt when he gave God’s word.

Of course, we know Jeremiah wasn’t the happiest of prophets, and I felt the same way he did. I couldn’t figure out why so few people were interested in what I have to say and began to think that I wasn’t treating God’s Word, or God, with the honor he deserves. Maybe I thought I was preaching truth but I wasn’t…could that be why God hasn’t blessed this blog/ministry with more followers? 

So I sent out a post (maybe some of you remember it?) asking for confirmation. This wasn’t an Ego Trip…not at all! I wasn’t asking or fishing for compliments- I wanted to know, really, if I was doing anything that edified or helped anyone. If what I do is useless to people, why should I continue to go through the time and financial expense of doing it? Right?

I did receive some confirmation from people, and again, felt bad that I only had one or two people answer. None of my own friends and most of my family did not reply, either (then again, we all know a prophet has no honor in his home town), so even though I was somewhat uplifted by the couple of confirmations I received, I didn’t feel useful.

The Pity Party was well underway and I was praying to God (as I rode my bike to the gym) asking why he wasn’t helping me. And he answered me: I felt him telling me to look at the “popular” sites to see why they are so popular. So I did, and I also recalled many of the postings from people with many followers. And you know what I realized? 

I wasn’t a “happy” site. I don’t constantly post messages about the love of God and the forgiveness of Messiah. I don’t constantly post quotations from the Bible that relate how God saved me, how God has helped me, how God has been my shield and my salvation. I have never implied or stated that salvation is a “Come as you are” party (although, in a way, it is.) These are the types of things the “popular” sites post, and when I thought about it, it was also the type of messages you hear from the mega-churches. 

I don’t do that. Oh, well, every once in a while I do post about forgiveness, but it is mostly how God requires us to forgive others, not how he has forgiven us. I do post about God’s love, but it isn’t about how he loves us but how we should work to love others as he tells us we should. In fact, I rarely post about what God does for us and almost always post about what we are supposed to do for God.  

And that is what God was telling me: I am not popular because the messages I post aren’t about how God does things for people; I post about what people are supposed to do for God. 

In other words, I am preaching about what God wants from us instead of what God does for us. 

Yes-salvation is a “Come as you are” party, but it is NOT a “Stay as you were” party.  The popular messages are all about how Yeshua did away with the law, all food is good to eat, and you are forgiven now and always, known as “Once saved, always saved.”  The messages that are popular are the ones that tell you all about how God loves you and you don’t have to do anything different, just call on his name and be saved.  Don’t worry about changing your lifestyle or your desires, and when you make a mistake God will forgive you because Jesus loves you and died for your sins, so you are cleared for life. 

You will not hear any of that dribble from me. What I preach is what people need to know to continue in their salvation: the Torah is valid, God’s commandments are still necessary to obey, and salvation is given for free but costs a lot to keep. You must change, you must truly do T’shuvah (repent), and you must be an example to others of how God has changed you through your actions and your words. You are commanded to forgive or you will not be forgiven: how you judge will be the way you are judged: if you really want to follow Yeshua, you must pick up your execution stake and walk as he walked, which means in accordance with the Torah.

“Hey- this isn’t fun! Are you really telling me I can’t be forgiven unless I change? You’re saying that if I ask for forgiveness but I don’t change I won’t be ‘saved’ anymore? I can lose my salvation? You say I have to obey the Torah? Well, if that’s what you preach, forget you, Pal! I am going to listen to the other people who tell me how wonderful I am, how I am saved forever and no one can take it away from me. I want to hear how much God loves me just as I am; I want to be told I don’t have to do that ‘Jewish’ stuff because Jesus nailed it to the cross. I want to be assured that I will be in heaven for eternity no matter what I do because I called on Jesus’s name once.” 

Yes, that is what I am telling you. And I will take my lead from Hosea 4:6: “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.” 

That is how God crashed my Pity Party, and am I ever glad he did. I realize now that I may never be “popular” because I speak the hard truth that most people don’t want to hear. When I trained people (in the corporate world and as a mentor to volunteers) I did not hold back from telling the truth, even when it wasn’t pleasant for them to hear. I didn’t do that to hurt them but to help them become better. If everyone that takes a class passes, then the class work was too easy, and the students probably didn’t learn what they really needed to know. Just like when preachers tell all about the goodness of God and what he does for you- yes, God does much for you but he expects you to do much for him. And that is what people, who are naturally self-absorbed and selfish, do not want to hear. 

So I will remain unpopular. I will continue to speak the truth that God has, through his Ruach HaKodesh, inspired me to teach. I will not sugarcoat salvation or preach all about God’s love and forgiveness as a one-way street, only traveling from God to you.

Salvation is free to have but hard to keep. God says we are to be holy as he is holy, which means we are not to do as the world does. We are to separate ourselves from the world, spiritually and actively, so that when people see us they see what God wants us to be. Not what we want to be, but what God wants us to be. That is a message that will be popular only to the truly spiritual mature person, to the one who is humble before God, to the one who is here to serve and not to be served. 

My Pity Party was all about the fact that I wasn’t “popular” and because I didn’t have so many followers on my website and FaceBook that they were coming out of my ears. God crashed that party by showing me I would never be popular preaching the hard truths of salvation and T’shuvah.  He showed me that, like Jeremiah, like Elijah, like Elisha, and like most every single prophet we read about in the Bible, I was not going to be asked to the A-List parties.  

I was looking for human confirmation but God stepped in and took over, showing me that I was in good company by being unpopular. 
And you know what? I felt G-R-E-A-T when he did that! 

Forgiveness is self-centered

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We usually think of a person who is forgiving as a compassionate, selfless being who loves people more than him or her self.

Not really.

Forgiveness is one of the most misunderstood emotions in the world; well, at least I think that. Why? Because we have been taught that it is important to forgive someone who has hurt you so that they can feel better when they apologize. We see forgiveness, often, as something we do for their sake, but the truth is that we need to be forgiving for our own sake.

God has commanded that we be forgiving of others; read Matthew 6:14–

 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

God is very clear, as Yeshua (Jesus) tells us, that we MUST forgive others their sins against us or we will not be forgiven.

The Lord’s Prayer that precedes this verse tells us we should pray for God to forgive us as we forgive others (And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors), which is a statement of quid pro quo. In other words, when we pray to God (in the way Yeshua told us we should) we are telling God that He should forgive us in the same way we forgive others. So, obviously, if we are unwilling to forgive others then we are telling God it is OK to treat us the same way, i.e., do not forgive us our sins against Him. 

Yowsa!! Does that mean that even a person who has been Born Again, who has asked for forgiveness from God through Messiah and received it, can still be treated as one who has not been forgiven when he or she comes before the Throne of Judgement?

Seems that way, doesn’t it? I believe we are being told that when we pray to God to treat us as we treat others (think about Leviticus 18:19), yet we are unforgiving, then He should not forgive us, either. And that doesn’t mean forgiveness is revocable, it simply means we have told God it is OK to treat us the same way we treat others.

And here’s another important aspect to this: it makes no difference, whatsoever, whether or not the sinner asks us for forgiveness.

Essentially, we are permitting God to ignore His promise of forgiveness because we, ourselves, have failed to be forgiving. God is not reneging on His promise, we are rejecting it.

Scary, isn’t it? So, now can you see why forgiveness is self-centered? The very foundation stone of our forgiveness by God is the forgiveness we extend to others. If we refuse to forgive, we will not be forgiven. And that makes sense, when you think of the parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:23-35.

Besides ensuring our own salvation, forgiving is the only way to release the pain. Understand, also, that when you forgive you don’t have to trust again- those are totally different things. Forgiveness is from God to us, and then from us to others, but trust is something that every individual has to earn.

This is also important to understand: your forgiveness of someone doesn’t make that person right with God, it makes YOU right with God. God is the only one (well, Yeshua also) who can forgive sin, and the sinner will have to ask for it from God, directly. If they repent and ask you to forgive them, it will make you both feel better, but overall it makes your relationship with God stronger and secures your salvation.

Forgiveness of others has nothing to do with the other person, and everything to do with you and your relationship with God, and will affect your salvation. So, Nu? -what could be more self-centered than that?

And you know what else? In this case, it’s OK to be self-centered.

 

Too selfish to receive

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‘Tis the season for giving. In Acts (20:35) we are told that Yeshua said it is better to give than to receive, and we also are told in 2 Corinthians (9:6-7) that God loves a cheerful giver. So, it is pretty clear that we should give generously and cheerfully when we give to others.

Being a generous giver means that we give for the love of giving, and for the hope that what we give will help, edify and please the receiver.

The world, however, is not a generous giver- the world teaches us that what we give should be considered as a sampling of what the other person should, sooner or later, give us back.  Maybe that’s why so many give something they want for themselves becasue they hope the receiver will “get the hint”?

On the other hand, that doesn’t explain why fruit cakes get passed around like a hot potato.

What the world teaches us about giving is that when we receive something we need to make sure we give back something of equal or better value. The world teaches us to receive a gift wrapped with a sense of obligation. It is never “cheerful” if you give something with the expectation that you will receive something back. That is not giving- that is called “investing”. You invest some money to get more money back, and you invest some time to receive a benefit greater than the value of the time you invested. However, it is wrong to give a gift in order to receive something similar or better at some later date. If you do, then you are not a cheerful giver: what you are is a sinful, selfish and manipulative louse.

“Hey!! Ease up, Steve!”

Sorry if you feel a little offended, but like it or not, that’s the truth; if it hits home then you need to think about what Yeshua said regarding giving. He should know. After all, He gave His life willingly so that you could have a chance to live with God, eternally. He doesn’t expect you to give your life to Him in exchange out of obligation, but He hopes you do. And not out of obligation, but out of thankfulness and as an opportunity to allow what He did to become useful in your life. He wants you to accept His sacrificice, His gift to you, for your sake and not for His.

Here’s the really hard part for humans, who (as I say above) have been taught by the world that when you receive something you owe something back to the giver: it is very hard for us to receive as generously as we give.

When you receive a gift that you think is disproportionate to your gift, do you feel “guilty”? Do you feel that you did not perform as you should have? Even if the gift you gave is appropriate, useful and appreciated?  If you feel this way, then you are too worried about the world’s view and not about God’s view. You need to “give” the other person gifting you the true joy of giving. You need to “give” the other person the joy that you feel when you give with no expectation of return. You need to accept the gift with the same joy you feel when you give a gift, and not feel any obligation to return anything.

If the other person is upset that you didn’t give proportionate to their gift, or that you didn’t bring them anything at all, then that’s their problem. And if you have been giving gifts to a friend and their children at holiday times and they always have an excuse for not giving you anything, then give them one more gift: give them the guilt-free gift of telling them you don’t give to receive, you give to give and that the only one you want to impress is God by cheerfully sharing the blessings He has given to you with those you care for.

God wants us to share that which He has provided for us. If you have more than someone else has, give them some of what you have that they can use. Give it freely, give it cheerfully, and give it without expectation of receipt. If you give to others without any desire to receive back, you will receive something- you will receive blessings from the Lord.

And let me tell you something- what the Lord will bless you with won’t be found at Macy’s, can’t be ordered from E-Bay, and will never be available on Amazon.  What the Lord will bless you with will be peace of spirit, joy of giving, love of your fellow-man (and woman), and rewards in heaven.

That’s a lot better than free shipping!

How deep is your love?

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Great song. The Bee Gees wrote this song in 1998 and when you read the words, it could easily be someone talking to God.

Except their lyrics say that the one they are singing to needs to show how deep her love is, whereas we need to show God how deep our love is, so maybe this is more like God singing to us?

How deep is your love? Do you love God? Why? Is it because of all the wonderful things He has done in your life? Do you love God for the promise of salvation? Do you love Yeshua (Jesus) for the way to salvation He provided for you?

If you said, “Yes” to any of the above, then I think your love is not very deep. Sorry, but if you love the Lord and love Messiah Yeshua only because of the things they have done for you, then your love is selfish and weakly rooted. Not very deep, at all.

If you have a disease and the doctor saves your life, do you love him or her?

If your spouse makes you feel happy, loved and appreciated, then someone you meet gives even more love, joy and appreciation to you, what do you do? Leave your spouse for that one? If your love is based only on what you receive from someone, then by definition you should leave. Then, if (and when) you meet someone who “ups the ante”, now you’re on your third marriage.

I love my wife for who she is: I believe that is because God is teaching me how to love as He loves. I love my family (immediate and cousins) for who they are, for our common experiences, and the same with my friends. I certainly don’t love them for the way they treat me, because in many ways they don’t treat me as I would like. Some of my lifelong friends don’t call me- I have to call them. Same with some family. But I love them despite what they do (or don’t do) because that is how God is teaching me to love.

But I still have a lot to learn. I am not holding myself up as an example to follow, just as an example. I am still very “fleshly”, and the word “love” brings up thoughts of romantic, human love. Do I love God? For me, loving God is- has to be- above what I can feel. Clearly, God is way above the realm of human love. Human love for God is so far below His love for us, it’s more than just “not in the same ballpark”, it’s not even the same sport!

I think I love God, I want to love God, and I am gratified that despite my human feelings (and lack of ability to love as completely as He does) He loves me, anyway.

God loves us despite what we do for, and to, Him. Look at history- after hearing God’s voice and seeing His awesome presence on Mt. Sinai, it took only 40 days for us to reject Him and build a Golden Calf (don’t you dare think, “Oh, well, that was the Jews that did that!  I wouldn’t have done that. You sure would have-so would I. We would have, and in our lives we all probably already have, in one way or another, built and danced before our own Golden Calf. If you can’t admit to that you better stop reading this now- it only gets harder to take.) After that sin, which was forgiven, we rejected His leadership (Moses and Aaron) more than once, we rejected the salvation He gave us (moaning and groaning all the time that they wanted to go back to Egypt), we then refused to enter the Land, then we sinned against Him by asking for a King, then that kingdom was split and the Northern Kingdom sinned from then on, the Southern Kingdom did OK for a while but also sinned itself into destruction, then the Greeks, the Romans, then the split of the Church, then….well, you get the picture.

And all during those times, no matter how many times we sinned against God, when we asked for forgiveness, He forgave us and welcomed us back to Him. Even though He knew we would backslide again, He still loved us despite how we treated Him. And He still loves us, today.

Didn’t Yeshua tell us to love our enemies? Didn’t Yeshua tell us to forgive our brothers who sin against us, pretty much as many times as they ask.  Aren’t we told to love as God loves, to forgive as God forgives (check out Matthew 6:14). That old adage, “To err is human: to forgive, divine” hits the nail right on the head! Forgiveness is absolutely tied to love- if you can’t forgive, you can’t love. If you can’t love for any reason other than how someone makes you feel, you cannot love as God loves.

Let’s say that again: If you can’t love for any reason other than how someone makes you feel, you cannot love as God loves.

That’s a hard word to hear. I think it is a word directly from God because (as the references above indicate) it is how God has loved us from the start.

To love as God loves is simply to love not for our needs, but for theirs. We should love others for who they are, for what they believe in, for how they treat all people. In 1 Corinthians, Shaul tells us that love is not selfish, but if we love only for selfish reasons than we aren’t loving, not really: what we are doing is just enjoying. We are feeling attracted to a person for what they do for us, not for who they are. At one point or another, what they do changes. If the relationship is a physical one, that’s gonna change, believe me. Age isn’t friendly to physical things. If the relationship is based on what “niceties” you get, such as little notes, little gifts, pretty cars or big, expensive stones, that’s gonna change, too. Eventually, the relationships we humans form will break down to their most basic components: you and me. So, do I really, really enjoy just being with you? Do you really, really enjoy just being with me?

Examine your love for those in your life, and remember that Yeshua tells us whatever we do to others is what we are doing to God (Matthew 25:40), so make sure your love is love going out and not love taking in.

Examine your love: is it selfish or selfless?

Get out of the way

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We are usually all about ourselves. There are many more people in the world, at least in my experience, that would prefer to talk about their life and their ideas than listen to what others have to say.

I include myself in the talkers group.

When God speaks to Moses, and instructs him what to tell the people, it is all about Himself, too, but not the same as with us. We want people to acknowledge us, we want to feel liked, respected and wanted. We like the “ego rush” we get when we are authorized to tell someone what to do. But with God it’s not the same. He doesn’t need our approval, He is no respecter of persons, He doesn’t need to feel important, and He tells us that He is God, over and over, not to please Himself but to remind us of who He is.

We are created a little bit above the angels- we are the sons and daughters of the Almighty, but we are not Him! We are about ourselves for selfish reasons, and God is about Himself for selfless reasons- He reminds us of who He is so we will listen; He reminds us of who He is so we will pay attention; He reminds us of who He is so we can live!

When we talk about what we want, it is to please ourselves; when God tells us what He wants, it is to save our souls!

I don’t have enough room to quote everywhere God tells us that He is the Lord, and you don’t have enough time to read it all. The phrase “I am the Lord” and similar words are used throughout the Tanakh, mostly in the Torah (especially throughout Leviticus) and throughout the writings of the Prophets (Nevi’im).  In Leviticus it seems to follow almost every commandment and regulation, which makes sense- the Lord is telling us what to do and reinforcing just who it is telling us.

It is easier to make friends by listening than by talking. When I was in sales, the hardest thing for me to do was to listen, but a really good salesperson knows that when you listen to the customer they will tell you how to close them. You can’t really talk them into a sale, at least, not one that will “stick”. You need to listen in order to know what to say that will close them. The same thing is true when talking to people about God and trying to minister to them- we need to listen to people and tell all about God, not about ourselves.

Of course, you can talk about how in your life obeying God and accepting His Messiah has helped you, but when talking about how God can help them, you need to get out of the way. You need to be about God, how the peace you feel comes from His Ruach, about how the hope you have is from His promises, which historically have never failed to come about. And you need to ask the person about their needs.

Ask what is important to them, ask if they feel there is more to life, ask if they care about others, ask if they are certain of their beliefs. Ask, ask, ask…that is the only way you will learn about them.

And if you ask, they will tell. When they tell, you will know, and when you know (what is important to them) you will be able to show them how God can make what they really want to happen in their life come about.

If you want to bring people to God, get out of the way. When we talk all about what God has done for us the people we are talking to don’t care a rats’ butt about what God has done for us- but they do care about what God can do for them.  Tell them briefly how God has done something wonderful in your life (and I mean, briefly), then ask them if this is something they would like to have.

Ministry is sales, and what we “sell”  is salvation. God is the manufacturer, Yeshua is the delivery system, and we are the field reps. To get people to buy they have to want what the product can give them.

I was a very successful salesman when I was in that business because I wore a rubber band around my wrist. It was suggested to me by an excellent teacher- he said every time I feel like saying something I think is important I should pull on the rubber band and let it go. Ouch! The pain was to condition me to listen and not talk. Nowadays I don’t sell for a living, and I have upgraded the rubber band to a gold bracelet, but it is still on my wrist- I never take it off because it is a reminder to shut up and listen.

It is all about God and them, not about God and you. When you talk about God, keep focused on what they want and how God can make it happen.

 

 

Starting with nothing

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I am sitting here, waiting for an inspiration. I actually glanced through the newspaper- same old, same old. Nothing jumps out at me, nothing that spurs my creative juices and uplifts (or upsets) my spirit, giving me a thought or a divine inspiration with which to blog about this morning.

We have a friend from Philadelphia, who we met while being Docents together at the Zoo there, staying with us this weekend. My older sister, Wendy, has visited us often, but no one else has come down here. We have even had family as close as an hour or less away vacationing at Disney or other Florida vacation spots and, believe it or not, they never even called Donna to ask if they could meet.

There’s a message for us! Friendship, whether familial or social, is something that needs to be worked at. It is something that needs to be watered with sacrifice (I let Jeanette do my Cryptoquip in the paper this morning) and fed with constant connections.

And I don’t mean Facebook or Twitter. Those posts and notifications are essentially one-way communications. Think about it- it really is all about me me me: My opinion, where I am, what I’m doing, where I’m going,  copy and share, like this page, me me me me me!!

Friendship, true friendship, true family, is not about me, it’s about you. It’s about the other person, it’s about taking time from your schedule not to tell them what you are doing or where you are going, but to ask them what they are doing, where are they going, how do they feel? Friendship is sharing, and that means being a friend to someone who needs to share their feelings, and they should be there to let you share yours.

I know people who wonder, out loud sometimes, why they can’t meet someone who will complete their life, make them happy, make them feel good about themselves and make them feel loved. My answer is that they will never find anyone to do that for them until they are able to do that for someone else. My marriage to Donna works so well because we aren’t about what the other one does for me, but what I do for the other one. I prepare her cup for when she wants her morning tea before I fix my coffee, and she will have everything I need to make coffee ready for me when I wake up (the few times I sleep later than she does.)

It’s things like this, little things, every day, that we need to do to reconnect with our family and friends. Texts and posts on social media are a cop-out.

The same is true with God. We need to reconnect with God daily, daily prayer is essential to maintaining our relationship with Him. The Torah section we are in covers the days at the end of the slavery in Egypt, and we are going to hear a lot going forward in the book about the children of Israel in the desert. They had divinely delivered food, they had water from rocks, their clothes didn’t wear out, they got to see God, Himself, on Sinai! And heard His voice! Oy!

Yet, they k’vetched and moaned and whined over and over, for months, and even years. They didn’t reconnect with God until He had to slap them upside their heads, with quails that made them sick, with snakes to bite them, with plague, and with fire from heaven. The history of God’s people, Israel, is one of taking Him for granted.

If we take God for granted, how much more so do we take each other for granted? That has to stop. This has to be nipped in the bud and we need to get our heads back on our shoulders, out of Facebook and Twitter.

These aren’t making communication better- they are destroying what makes communication worthwhile! They remove the personal and compassionate relationships we have when we take the time to sit and write, to call and speak, to connect one-to-one instead of one-to-many.

Is God important enough to you to speak with Him only? Is there anyone in your life you care enough about that you want to spend time connecting to him or her alone? Is there a friend or family member that you love so much you don’t want to share them with me, or my friends, and their friends’ friends all at the same time?

I am going to post on my Facebook page this week, once I get the wording correct in my head (you ‘d think that should be simple, given all the empty space I have to work with) a last post. I enjoy some of the posts, I like how I have connected with people who I wouldn’t have connected with, but I am going to end my FB because it is NG for me. I am in communication, but I am not communing. If the people I am reading posts from and replying to can’t take the time to write me a personal note or email, then my friendship (in their mind) must not be worth taking any extra effort to maintain. And making personal posts isn’t the answer- it’s still just a FB post, albeit a different format. And if I am that unimportant, they won’t really miss me. And, hurtful as it may be to find out that if it takes an effort to stay in touch with me I am not worth it to them, at least that will be an honest and truthful relationship. I have friends who, to me, are like family but I know I am not like family to them. I am usually the one making all the effort to communicate, and since I have known these friends for decades, I know from this long relationship that I am important to them, they just don’t take the time because that is how they are. It hurts, and sometimes it makes me really mad, but when we are together I can feel their love and friendship. They need me as much as I need them, it’s only that I am better at understanding the dynamics of the relationship. And that’s not from me, that’s from God in me.

There are those that are givers, and those that are takers- neither one is wrong or right, they are just what they are. The world needs to be in balance, and I am a giver and many of my friends are takers. They need me, and I need them- we balance and complete each other. One of the hardest lessons I had to learn in life was to accept generosity as easily and quickly as I give it. It is much harder for me to accept a gift than to give one, and the way I learned was to remind myself how wonderful it makes me feel to be able to give something nice to someone. Then, I turn that around and when I am uncomfortable taking a gift, I remember how nice I feel when I share or give something to someone, and tell myself that I am being selfish and discompassionate by not letting that person have that same feeling.

We all know it is better to give than to receive, and so when we are supposed to receive something let’s “give” the other person that wonderful feeling by receiving it joyfully and appreciatively.

And stay in touch with each other; no greater love is there than that one should give one’s life for a friend- isn’t that what Yeshua tells us?

It’s a lot easier to write a personal memo or make a phone call than it is to die.

PS: If you agree, please comment after you read this. Scroll down and agree that we need to be more personal in our relationships, we need to be more about the other person than about ourself, we need to reconnect with God, friends and family in a way that makes the other person feel we are really speaking only to them. We must take the time and make the effort to communicate with them, only them, and no else but them, because they are that important to us.