How Should We Feel When Losing a Loved One?

The other day someone posted and asked, “How should a Believer handle the death of a parent?”

I am going to give my opinion, and if I think of a biblical passage I may use it, but for the most part, this is going to be more like an opinion piece than a message.

If you prefer to watch a video, click on this link: Watch the video.

First off, when we are sad because someone who is close to us dies, it is a selfish thing. I have been to way too many funerals, and I don’t recall ever hearing anyone say how sad it is for the deceased person to be dead. We don’t cry because they are dead, we cry because we will no longer be able to have them in our lives.

Now, that probably isn’t a tremendously shocking or new revelation, so let’s add in the part about how a Believer should feel.

I believe that someone who knows the Lord and has accepted Yeshua (Jesus) as their Messiah should be happy for the person who has died. They should celebrate that person’s death with thankfulness. Thankful for the presence they had in your life, and thankful for their (now) eternal presence with the Lord.

One exception to this is if the person who died was not saved. We can’t always know absolutely about the state of someone’s salvation because who knows what happens in those last seconds of life, between consciousness and death; but, in most cases, we can be pretty certain about whether or not they are saved.

Assuming that the deceased was saved, as a Believer we should put aside our own selfish desire to maintain the deceased’s presence in our lives and be thankful for the time we did have together. We should review the happy memories and joyfully remember things we did together.

Here is a biblical reference about how to approach the death of a loved one- do what Job did, and immediately give thanks to God. After all, God put you and that person together, so even though they are gone, you should be thankful for having known them.

It is normal to feel sad about the loss, but we should be able to overcome that sadness quickly if we concentrate on how happy they must be in the presence of God, Almighty, and seeing Yeshua face-to-face. Wow! Can you imagine how wonderful that must be?

Therefore, my response to the original question is that a Believer should be joyful when a loved one (who is saved) dies, and also feel thankful that you had that person in your life for as long as you did. Sadness will creep up on us because human nature is a selfish and self-centered thing, but the sadness can be replaced by joy when we think of their feelings instead of our own. That is something a Believer should be able to do for anyone, alive or dead, i.e. put someone else’s feelings ahead of our own.

For those who die and weren’t saved, but who we loved anyway, well…in that case, sadness probably is the proper feeling. Again, not so much for yourself, but for the one who has passed on and will have to face the final judgment without Yeshua as their intercessor. That is truly a sad thing.

Death is a part of life. In fact, life is really only a precursor to death. Think about it: we live for a relatively short time, but we are dead forever. When we think about that, we can answer another question, the age-old one, which is  “Why are we here?”

The answer is you are here to decide where you will spend eternity.

And since no one will never know how much time God will give them to make that decision, it is one that they should make as quickly as possible.


Thank you for being here and please don’t forget to subscribe.

I will be closing out the gofundme campaign to send Bibles, prayer shawls and other Bible study materials to three Messianic synagogues in Uganda by the end of next week. The link to donate is here:

Help Ugandan Messianic Synagogues 

So far I have barely enough to pay for the cost of mailing these things to them and will end up having to shorten their list of supplies, so if you haven’t donated, please give something. Every little bit helps, so please consider giving ten dollars, twenty, five, a thousand..whatever you feel led to give to help these newly Messianic people who want to know God better and learn to worship him as he said we should.

Thank you again for being here, share me out and until next time, L’hitraot and Baruch HaShem!

Every Family Has One.

Every family has one, and that “one” I am talking about is the “Black Sheep”; the one member of the family that has wandered off, done wrong and as a result has ostracized himself (or herself) from their family.

Today’s message is based on an event that recently happened to a family I have known for a long time.

If you prefer to watch a video, click on this link: Watch the video.

From this large family, one brother had lied, cheated and even stole from his siblings, and abandoned the children he produced from different wives. After years of this type of behavior, he ultimately lost the trust and friendship of every one of his siblings, exes, and children. Essentially, he had used up his ability to mooch off his family. When that happened, he re-connected with a woman who had stalked him for many years (she also had her own issues) so that he was able to find the ultimate Meal Ticket. For nearly a decade no one in the family had heard from him.

This past week one of the family members was contacted by the police in the area where he was living to advise them that he had been found in his apartment, deceased.

Not one of the family wanted to claim the body, yet all were saddened by his passing. He died alone, he never married his partner who had died years before (he never let anyone know this), and they know almost nothing about his life for the past 10 years.

I want to quote just the first 4 verses from David’s Psalm 36 (CJB):

For the leader. By David, the servant of ADONAI: Crime speaks to the wicked. I perceive this in my heart; before his eyes there is no fear of God. For, the way he sees it, crime makes his life easy that is, until his wrongs are discovered; then, he is hated.  His words are wrong and deceitful; he has stopped being wise and doing good. He devises trouble as he lies in bed; so set is he on his own bad way that he doesn’t hate evil.

This morning when I read this psalm, I thought of this man. A man who had been a friendly, sweet and gregarious person as a youth, but who somewhere had turned from that path. He became solitary, self-centered, irresponsible, and so lazy that he believed everyone else in the world was responsible to make sure he got whatever it was he wanted. And if that meant to cheat, lie or even steal from them, that was OK. His moral compass wasn’t pointing in the right direction; in truth, he had no morals at all. He had given in to evil and subsequently ostracized himself from his entire family, all of whom loved him.

They wondered how he could have done this to himself, as well as how he could have done this to them. He was such a fine brother at first, but he changed.

Do you remember what Adonai (God) warned Cain about in Genesis  4:7? He said:

If you are doing what is good, shouldn’t you hold your head high? And if you don’t do what is good, sin is crouching at the door – it wants you, but you can rule over it.”


The reason I am sharing this story with you today is that this could be about any one of us! Sin is always there, like a stalking lion, and it takes very little to turn from the path of righteousness. The world is an evil and cursed place, where sinfulness is not just accepted, but expected! It is so easy to do evil, and so hard to do what is right, and once we choose to do evil it becomes easier to do more evil.

Yes, Virginia- there is a Dark Side.

But we can overcome the darkness with the light of the Lord, the Ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit) which we can receive simply by asking for it, with an open and humble heart that wants to do good and be obedient to the Lord. Accepting Yeshua (Jesus) as the true Messiah God promised to send, we can then find forgiveness for sin and be led by God’s own spirit.

But there is a catch. Before we can receive forgiveness through Messiah Yeshua, and before we can receive the Holy Spirit, we first have to do something: we have to repent. And not just for what we have done, but for all time- we have to do T’shuvah (turn from evil ) and only desire to do only what is right.

To be saved from yourself, you must choose to want to do good: not good as the world sees good, but good according to God.

What does God see as good? It’s simple- love God and love each other. When we truly love someone more than we love ourself, we will do for that person what we would like them to do for us. The “Golden Rule” is a great start, but we need more than that. There also has to be obedience to God’s word, the instructions he gave us in the Torah which define what he sees as “good.” Yeshua said no one is good but God (Luke 18:19), and God tells us many times throughout the Tanakh (Old Covenant) that we should be holy as he is holy; for me, this means that even though God is the only one that is truly “good”, he wants us to emulate him as best as we can.

There will be more for this family of the “black sheep” brother to suffer through. They need to decide how to dispose of the remains, to find out if he even has an estate, and if so what to do if that estate is worth trying to salvage from being escheated to the State he lived in. Someone will have to go through his possessions, and it will be very hard because of all the remorse they feel. There is remorse over the fact that that he did not change his ways and return, as with the Prodigal Son; remorse that he died all alone; and, I am sure some (if not all) feel remorse that they didn’t do more to intercede in order to put him on the right path. I am sure they feel they shouldn’t have lost contact, that despite what he did and what he was they should have at least kept in touch, somehow.

I can tell you that if it were up to me, I would tell them they did all they could. I know that each sibling was lied to and cheated, and some were outrightly robbed. He chose to be that way, and there was nothing more they could have done- it wasn’t anyone’s fault but his own that he ended up that way. Despite our best efforts, we can’t change people. The best we can do is try not to be hurt by them, and let them know that we are always there for them when they want to repent.

I know for a fact from my personal contact with this family that each sibling wanted him back in the family, and I believe their brother knew that.

I pray that by sharing this sad story we can all remember and be aware of how easy it is for anyone to fall from grace. And once we have fallen, it is very, VERY hard to get back on the path of righteousness. Even with friends and family that love you, when you constantly misuse that love you will end up cutting yourself off from what could be the best chance you have to be saved from eternal damnation.

Perhaps, in the last minutes of his life, this poor soul was able to repent and ask forgiveness. We can only hope that he did so- no one knows what the last moments of life are like, and perhaps God, who is so understanding and desiring to forgive, gives us all one last chance. That is a wonderful thought.

Personally, I don’t think that’s how it is so I will do everything I can to stay on the right path! If you know someone who is a “Black Sheep”, try to keep in touch with him or her. Don’t allow them to separate themselves from your life; you never know- they may choose to repent. And for someone trying to get up out of the pit, it really helps to know there is someone’s hand reaching out to grab hold of yours and help pull you up.

Thank you for being here, please do not hesitate to comment (just be nice) and share this story out to others, and please subscribe to this website and to my YouTube channel, as well.

Until next time, L’hitraot and Baruch HaShem!

PS: Please pray for this family to forgive this man so they can have peace in their heart.

Empty Joy

David tells us, over and over in the psalms he wrote, that the joy of the Lord is wonderful. When we think of God we think of love, peace, joy and salvation.

It is true that knowing the Lord has given me a sense of peace I never had before, and it is true that I find joy in His word, comfort in trusting faithfulness that His promises are solid and completely trustworthy, and spiritual completion in knowing that I can be a “born again believer” and still be Jewish.

I feel bad for those people that don’t understand that being a Believer is not easy. There are so many people, “born again” people, that I have met along the way who only want to hear about God’s love and compassion. They want to know His Grace, they cry and scream, “I love you, Lord!” But I wonder if they really do. I believe they think they do, but do they, really? If all they know is love and forgiveness, they don’t know all about God. He is all about judgement and punishment, too. He gave us laws and regulations to live by…commandments. His commandments are not a buffet for us to pick and choose which we like and which we don’t, and expect that God will accept us, anyway. His commandments are mandatory, they are what He says we should do and be. If we ignore what God says to do, then we are ignoring God, and that is not the way to get to know Him. You can’t really love someone without knowing all about them- that isn’t love, it’s infatuation. It is superficial, and that is why so many people fall away and keep going from one church to another, one synagogue to another, this week they’re Baptist, next week they’re Episcopalian, and by this time next year they’re probably going to be Methodists. They bounce between religions and places of worship because they only want the surface, they want to hear about the love and compassion and forgiveness, and don’t want to know about the laws, commandments and judgements that come from disobeying.

If God doesn’t judge against those who do not truly do T’Shuva (turning from sin) then we cannot trust His promise of salvation. It’s that easy, and that basic, and (should be) that frightening for those who think they can be loved and forgiven but they don’t have to obey His Torah. God gave us Torah as our guidelines, the way to know right from wrong, and the way He says we should live and worship Him. We all fall short, but how many times do we read in His word that God sees the heart? That means that what we do or don’t do is less important than what we want to be doing. If I sin but in my heart I hate the sin I do and want desperately to sin less, God knows. God also knows if I don’t care about what His Torah says, if I am more than happy to let someone in a religious position of authority tell me I am saved by God’s love and forgiveness, and if in my heart that’s all I want. I don’t want to do as He says, I don’t want to change what I do or what I like, I just want to be loved and forgiven. If that is in my heart, that all I want is God’s forgiveness and don’t want to  do anything He says I must, do you really think that will please God? Do you really think that God will accept me into His salvation if my heart doesn’t care about Him?

Do you really think God is that gullible?  That God doesn’t care if we obey Him or not?

Torah, according to Shaul (Paul), created sin. He said that because without knowing what is right and how God wants us to act (Torah), we can’t know that to disobey those laws and regulations is what God defines as sin. Actions are, in and of themselves, neither right nor wrong- there has to be a comparison, a Yin and a Yang, some rating system to allow us to weigh one against the other.  There is plenty of joyfulness in the world, and plenty of sadness, so we all, whether we are believers, pagans, atheists or whatever, feel joy and sadness.

But to really experience the joy of the Lord, we need to know the Lord. And to know the Lord, we have to know who He is and know all He has done. That’s all in the bible.

I was asked the other day by someone about how Christians could act a certain way. The person thought that arguing against allowing Syrian refugees into the USA was not a “Christian” thing to do. The issue wasn’t really whether Christians should allow refugees in or not- the real issue was that this person didn’t know what being a “Christian” was all about. The assumption this person had was that all “good Christians” should love and forgive and do what they can to help people. I explained that wanting to help others doesn’t mean being a naive idiot and endangering yourself. Yeshua told His disciples to be as gentle as doves and as wise as snakes.

To define a “Christian” person as one who tries to do as God wants is a good definition.  The next step is to understand what God wants so that one can then properly identify a “Believer/Christian” from others.

The only way to know what God wants is to know God; to read the User Manual He gave us through Moshe (Moses), the Prophets, and the writers of the New Covenant Gospels and Epistles. Until you read the bible, and more than just once or twice, you can’t really know anything about God. And if you don’t know anything about God, then you can’t say anything about when someone is a “good Christian” or not.

It’s like trying to identify a good wine from a bad wine- if you don’t know anything about wine, how can you say one is better or worse than another?

That’s why I say the joy people feel when they do not know God is empty- it is not anywhere near what they could feel, if they were able to have the Ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit) fill them with joy.  Not that people who don’t believe in God cannot feel any joy at all- that isn’t what I am trying to say. What I am trying to say (I hope I am succeeding) is that once someone knows the joy we can feel only from God, everything else is substandard and empty.

I have felt God’s joy- I have been brought to tears of joy praying to Him, worshipping Him in song, and often just thinking about what He has done for me. When I watch the testimony I gave years ago (there is a link to it in my bio) I still get wet-eyed because I still feel the joy that came at that moment, when the Ruach HaKodesh entered me.

It was life-changing.

I wish everyone could know the fullness of joy that we can have when we allow God to fill us. What the world offers is dreck, useless and momentary because it is really a false sense of joy. It has the emotional kick of a small firecracker, whereas the joy of the Lord is an atom bomb! There is no comparison.

If you wonder why you aren’t as happy as you think you should be, or you feel you really aren’t happy at all, read the bible, get to know who God is through what He has done, and then make up your mind to accept and embrace Him, according to the way He says we should, or continue to wander through life feeling like there should be more, but never really getting it.

Real joy is here, right in front of you, within grasp, and God’s hand is reaching out to you. You need to reach back.