The best way is, of course, to never get into a discussion, but that isn’t really a feasible solution.
The next best thing is to remember what we read in the Book of Proverbs, specifically 29:9.
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To begin, let’s see what that proverb tells us:
When a wise man argues with a foolish one,
he meets anger and ridicule without relief.
Generally speaking, if you are having a discussion with someone who is wise, meaning they are mature enough to not let pridefulness get in the way of mutual respect, then this proverb isn’t going to be one you will need to remember. A discussion, even a heated one, with someone who is mature and respectful will always be enlightening for both people, even if there is no agreement reached.
There is always something to learn from someone else because the deeper you get into a discussion, the more information they give you which you can use to deflate their argument. For example, when I was in Sales and teaching others how to successfully “close” someone, I would tell them to ask leading questions because when you do that, correctly, they will always tell you what you need to know to close them.
This same methodology works when talking about God and Messiah; or for that matter, anything.
Most people don’t know the Bible and just parrot (meaning repeat without understanding) what they have been told by their religious leaders. So, when you are trying to convince them that what they think is righteous and godly isn’t righteous or godly, you can’t convince them by your argument, alone.
As this proverb tells us, to argue with someone foolish is a waste of time and results in anger and insults.
(For the record, when the Bible uses the term “foolish”, it doesn’t mean someone who is stupid, it refers to someone who lacks understanding, wisdom, or reverence for God’s ways. It can also mean someone who doesn’t believe in God.)
Now, when you are discussing something with someone (and this applies to any discussion, not just a religious one) and they begin to get annoyed and start attacking you instead of the argument you make, you need to back off and ask them questions, such as why do they believe what they say? How do they support their belief? Where did they learn this?
These types of questions will begin to make them realize their arguments aren’t really substantiated. And, if they say the person they heard this from has credentials, you can gently point out that many people who are scholarly, have been to a seminary or graduate school are often just repeating what they heard from someone else.
History has shown that when someone researches and tests what they have been told, they sometimes find out that what they were told is wrong.
Cigarettes used to be given to people in hospitals, alcohol was not a concern for pregnant women, and more recently the Covid vaccine that we were told by experts is safe has proven to be very dangerous, even fatal, to some young men.
What we know today to be absolutely true may prove to be absolutely false later. The only thing we can count on is what we research and test, ourselves.
This is, I believe, one of the main causes for people to get angry when their argument is challenged; that anger is the result of their frustration that they can neither change your mind nor effectively validate their belief. When they reach that point, instead of opening their minds to the truth they turn against you.
That is a type of foolishness that does indicate stupidity. I am sorry if someone is upset over the use of that word, but it is a very good word, and aptly describes someone who refuses to hear any argument other than their own.
Here is an absolute truth: the truth, the real truth, can stand up to any test.
So, going forward, never hesitate to try to teach someone what you know and are sure of because you have thoroughly researched and validated it for yourself. And always remember to start off by letting them tell you their “why” because you need to know what they think is true, otherwise you won’t be able to show them why it isn’t.
People only believe half of what someone tells them, but 100% of what they say, so you need to get them to doubt what they say or your argument will never make any headway. And if you can at least get them to doubt what they believe, that is a win.
Even if that is as far as you can get, you have begun to break down their wall of ignorance; you’ve planted a seed, and now you need to be spiritually and emotionally mature enough to know when to stop and let that seed germinate at its own pace.
Being able to argue against someone with facts and references for them to research on their own, instead of just saying “This is what I’ve been taught”, will help to break through their wall of confident ignorance.
And, when they start to get nasty, that’s the time to remember Proverbs 29:9.
Thank you for being here and please remember to share these messages with everyone you know, even non-believers, Hey, after all, you never know how fertile the soil is until you plant a seed in it.
That’s it for today, so l’hitraot and Baruch HaShem!