hands off = don’t care

Another gossip column rant this morning- this time it’s not Dear Abby, but Ask Amy (Donna likes to read the newspapers, and with two papers I get twice as many word puzzles.)

The question this morning was asking how tough a parent should be with activities such as having your children learn piano, get all A’s in school, etc. The parent writing was raised in a strict Asian family with very little “kid” time, and the other parent is (the writer says) a ‘hands-off’ type.

Amy did OK, and ended up saying kids have their friends, and if you’re the Mom or Dad, you are NOT one of their friends, you’re their parent- act like one!

Amen to that, Sister!

Hands off is not allowing your children to grow- it is removing accountability and preventing them from learning there are limitations in life and in relationships; it keeps them from being able to be aware, and respectful, of other people. Allowing children to be unaccountable for their actions and words (or lack thereof, if that is the case) is not helping them at all. Yes, there are times when we need to remember that they are just children, and still learning, but that doesn’t mean to allow them to ignore the consequences of what they do. It means we need to make them experience the consequences with mercy and patience. God is a great example of doing that, being understanding and merciful when He knows that is best, and striking you down when that is what is needed. And always, always, always willing and able to forgive.

I tried to be a parent to my children when I visited them; they are from my previous life, which ended in divorce, but I never left them- only their mother. However, since she was a ‘hands off, let’s be friends, you’re just children’ type of mother, who never felt responsible or accountable for anything she did or said, they were growing up the same way. Because I tried to be a parent, they now have rejected me and I am not allowed to be a part of their life. It’s been almost 4 years since I was able to talk or even email my son, and about 7 years with my daughter. My 4-6 hours with them every other Sunday or Saturday for over 20 years did not match up against the 24/7/365 teachings from their mother.

Here’s one example of how hands off is not helping the kids, at all:

I was with my children, Alexandra was about 8 and Bryce was about 3, and we were walking across the street. I held Alex’s hand and told her to look both ways for traffic to make sure it was safe, and her reply was that she didn’t have to look because I was the parent and I was supposed to make sure she is safe. Of course, that is an accurate statement- I am the parent, I am supposed to protect them, but that doesn’t remove her responsibility to protect herself. How will she learn to be a protective parent when she grows up if she isn’t taught this now? That was my argument- what happens when they become adults? If they are not taught how to be one, does it magically come to them in a flash the moment they turn 18? Maybe when they turn 21 they suddenly know what to do?

Proverbs tells us many things about disciplining our children, and how God disciplines us because He loves us. I am not saying a parent that is not a disciplinarian doesn’t love their children, or that one who is Machiavellian in their attitude is the most loving of all. What I am saying is that ‘hands off’ is the same as ‘I don’t care’, and children will pick up on that. Oh, believe-you-me, they know! If you don’t show concern and discipline for them, they will stretch that inch into a light year. Even if you are “strict”, they will still try to get away with as much as they can- that is what being a child is all about. To stretch the limits, to push to the edge, and further, until they are reeled in. It is a parents obligation to their child to teach them the ropes, so to speak, and that means how to tie things up and how not to get all tied up. A rope can lift you up or it can hang you: it all depends on knowing how to use it correctly.

I believe that the world is falling into satanic control, more and more each day. Look at the video games- violent, demonic, totally unconcerned for human rights or dignity. Look at the TV shows- sexual improprieties, killing, “justified” violence to each other, and just plain stupid…and I mean, REALLY stupid!

Look at the advertisements our children see on TV and in the magazines- people are sexual objects, products make you a better person, the more you have the more popular you will be. All focused on material items, which is all the enemy of God can offer. God doesn’t care about material things- He cares about our eternal soul.  Yeshua tells us to seek first the kingdom of God, and all these other things (what we need to survive while alive) will be given to us.

If you have kids, I am happy for you. I know you may not always feel that way for yourself, but as someone who has lost his children to hatred and unforgiveness (for the record, I wasn’t “Mr. Right”, either. I was no “Father Knows Best”, believe me) you should be grateful for being able to raise your children.

So raise them correctly, teaching them with proper levels of discipline, always tempered with forgiveness, love, mercy and patience. And remember-like it or not, this IS how it is- you are their example. They will not accept “Do as I say and not as I do” because no one does! They will be like you because your are in their very DNA, and what is good about you they have, and what is bad about you they have, also. And they will also have what is uniquely theirs. Appreciate their uniqueness and help them learn to develop it.

Hand off is (and I won’t accept any argument to the contrary) no different than saying you don’t care. It is condemning them to death (that’s what Proverbs tells us happens if we don’t discipline our children), and what parent wants to do that?

 

The Enemy Within

{Please allow me to do more of an opinion piece than a Bible study today, although it does speak to our eternal needs.}

Let me start off by saying that I am not fixed on TV- I am transfixed by it. I grew up eating dinner watching George Reeves as Superman saving the world, with Batman and Robin fighting evil (dahdah-dahdah-dahdah-dahdah….BATMAN!!!)

Today, my wife has a small mirror attached to a long handle to put under my nose when I’m watching TV to check if I am still breathing.

I don’t like most of what’s on, and we watch mostly animal shows and cop shows, with an regular flip to the Discovery and History channels. Like most Americans, we spend about $100 a month to have more channels than we can count, none of which have anything really worth watching. It’s like Imelda Marcos going into her closet and saying, “I can’t find a pair of shoes I like.” (that really dates me!)

So, why am I rambling about TV? Because I grew in a time when we practiced going into the hallway at school and putting our head between our knees waiting for the bomb to land. Yet, despite the threat of “Commies” everywhere destroying our nation, it was not the Communist threat that destroyed the American family, it was the TV.  That little electronic box sitting in the family room that dominated our attention.

At first TV was a form of entertainment. It was too expensive for most people and advertisers were hard to find. Stereotypes were not just accepted, they were exploited so that people, like sheep, were led to believing that what they saw on TV was real life. The TV slowly grew into including a VCR, then DVD and cable shows. Again, at first the cable was new because you paid for it.You paid so that you didn’t have to watch all the stupid commercials (although some are funny). Today we pay through the nose for our cable and it has as many, if not more, commercials than old TV did. My gosh- even the movie theaters have TV commercials now!

So, where is the threat? It’s right there- in front of you! It’s what we are watching. Soaps demonstrate the lowest of human degradation; the “reality” shows are disgusting displays of how low people will sink, airing out their dirty laundry to the world, so that the public can feel better about themselves by knowing they don’t weigh 650 pounds, or hoard until their house is condemned, or act like Diva’s. And the movies that eventually show on TV are about vampires that are really loving and compassionate, and witches that are just regular girls trying to make their way through the world.

Don’t forget about the video games we play on the TV- Grand Theft Auto, where children are rewarded for stealing cars and causing civil mayhem. All the zombie killings and war-related games. Aliens that are always aggressive and have to be shot and blown up. Killing, destruction, mayhem…and it’s all for the kiddies. Didn’t someone say that a child shall lead them? Maybe there are two sides to that thought- there was a child who led us to salvation, so could there be another child who will lead us to destruction? If so, he or she is being trained now, with every minute in front of the TV set or on-line playing games.

Violence, sex, lying, deceit, self-importance…Bridezilla’s, Cops, Hoarders, Bar Rescue, Diva’s, Jersey Girls, and on and on and on. It’s all just drek!! (Yiddish for garbage)  Try , just try, to find a news station showing anything but murder, theft, sex scandals or horrible things happening to people. And let’s not ignore Televangelists! Sorry- but I don’t think God is really going to heal you if you touch the TV, and why do I have to send a check just so that the “Right Reverend” will pray for me?

TV has become a bane of our society, and I am just as guilty as anyone- even more so because I think I realize what it is really all about, but I haven’t stopped.

TV transmissions go through the air, and the Bible calls Ha Satan the “prince of the air”. Get it?

I will continue to watch TV, although I am trying to get away from it. It is a terrible habit, just like any other sin- it appeals to our lowest nature and is hedonistic. Anything but Godly.

Just like Shaul said, I do what I don’t want to do and don’t do what I want to.

I want to spend more time with my wife, maybe playing Scrabble or talking, or sitting in the hot tub (yes, we have one- it came with the house. It’s soooo nice after a rough day) or just sitting next to each other. We have tried, and for awhile we will set up the dinning room table for dinner and not have the TV on, but it is just so easy to sit there and watch while we eat and all we need is one time to say, “Let’s just eat watching TV tonight” an that’s it- back to the old habit .

Sin is just that way- it is easy, comfortable, and like a barbed hook: once it is in you it just keeps digging itself in deeper each time you try to remove it.

Will I get rid of the TV? Will I cancel the TV part of my ISP bundle and throw away the remote? (OH NO!!! PLEASE- not the remote!) Doubtful. I am stuck, like everyone else.

The best I can do (hopefully, if you agree with me, you can do better than I do) is become more selective about what I watch, not buy products that advertise for smut and Devil-related shows, and try to eat out on the porch or anywhere else but in front of the TV.

TV, movies and video games are teaching our children that satanic creatures are not just OK, they are actually cool, they have superpowers and we want to be like them; robbery and murder have no consequences, killing gets you a reward and if you are killed you just reload the game; and they are honored for being more treacherous and violent than the next  guy.

And  by our own choice we allow this dangerous and harmful thing in the center of our family, introducing our children to it before they are even old enough to know right from wrong.

Something to think about.